By D. Beall

TWIT CULTURE: JOBLESS CONAN O’BRIEN CREATES CELEBRITY OUT OF THIN AIR The news in early March confirmed to an already annoyed populace that the favor of the Fame Gods is indeed arbitrary. Conan “King Midas”  O’Brien reached down from his astral throne and began to “follow”  someone on social media website Twitter, prompting national newspapers and TV news shows to go gaga over his new Twitter pal.  “I’ve decided to follow someone at random.  She likes peanut butter and gummy dinosaurs.  Sarah Killen, your life is about to change.”  Conan tweeted. For Killen, a 19 year old girl from a small village in Michigan, things changed immediately.  In a matter of weeks, she received gifts for her upcoming wedding, met Ludacris, and appeared on Good Morning America and MTV.  Her followers on Twitter increased from roughly 3 to over 20,000.  She was quick to divert attention from herself to a charity event she had decided to participate in, the Susan G.  Komen 3-Day for the Cure, a 60 mile walk to increase breast cancer awareness.  The charity has received thousands in donations from Killen’s followers. It’s safe to say that all of this attention is ridiculous on more than a few levels and it raises questions on the nature of celebrity.  Killen is only famous because of one mouse click and a couple of jokey tweets by O’ Brien.  To what extent does the Twitter celeb (the “Tw*t”, as opposed to just “Twits”  which would be normal Twitter users) make us examine our mindless relationship with our media? Are we, as a species, so truly lost that we mistake social communication or contribution for something under 160 characters? I joined Twitter in order to contact Killen, who I think might have something to say about all of this.  We talked over the phone for a short time, and I was surprised at how humble and just plain nice she is.  She was soft spoken and quick to plug her favorite charity- my hopes for her to pause and hit a crack pipe faded. I asked her what she’s up to and her voice became subdued.  “Things have been dying down the last week.  I don’t think there are going to be any more TV appearances.”   I assured Killen that Conan would probably have her on his show when he gets back on, and she characteristically replied with a humble, “Well, that would be cool.” I asked about the dark side of Killen’s newfound fame.  “Someone told me I was lame.  People have told me to go kill myself.”  This struck me as a little cruel, considering the most controversial thing I have ever seen her tweet is “I want a pet moose”. Regarding the media’s expectations of her spiritual emptiness Killen said, “People surprise me with their lack of faith in humanity.  The good things don’t get attention in the media.” I ask her a fairly loaded question on whether she thinks the whole thing is ridiculous- if she thinks it’s kind of insane that O’Brien can make someone famous just like that.  “It’s kind of sad.”  She said quietly. I got off the phone, disappointed that Killen is not some huge f*ck-up.  Conan is still out of a job, Killen’s fame is dwindling fast and I’m reevaluating my use of the word “tw*t”. There may be hope yet.  When Killen’s fame eventually flounders, she could provocatively tweet to once again leap into the spotlight.  I see it now: one night, ten years from now, reflecting on the absence of free laptops and meetings with platinum-toothed rap stars, Killen, in a drunken stupor, tweets,  “Bothering me today: the Jews.”  Tactics like these will ensure her a place in our minds for years to come, a place somewhere between a band your sister’s husband hates and the color of your first balloon. But this is not the Sarah Killen I talked to.  The Sarah Killen I talked to will hopefully be famous in her own way, and not for bullshit like this. I tweet my first follower the next day.  His name is David Rankin, and he lives in Montreal.  “David Rankin,” I type, “your life is about to change.”   A few minutes later, he tweets, “It better.”