10 Ways To Be Irresistible To Women

10 Ways To Be Irresistible To Women

By Manly T. Sidepipe

Buzzbin recently viewed an article on popular website Askmen.com telling men how to make themselves completely irresistible to women. Unfortunately, it was a pack of lies. The following is an effort to set the record straight for all time.

They say women need…

Romance

Ridiculous. Science has proven that women are attracted to bad boys, and bad boys are notorious for their lack of romance. What women often mistake for romance is more closely linked with…

Adventure

…which can translate into getting laid at their parent’s 20th anniversary party. Or taking on the whole football team for that matter. Indiana Jones-types are likely to bore a woman more than anything, due to the high amount of running, shooting and digging the average archaeologist must put up with in the name of history and science.

Confidence

Overrated. Ask the emo guys you know. What is infinitely more attractive is arrogance, which any man wearing a bright white scarf and rocking a Flock of Seagulls haircut can attest to.

Intelligence

Preposterous. The science is iffy here but, according to experts, the irresistibility of an educated and astronomically intelligent man directly parallels the amount of money he makes at the job he worked damn hard to get. Your rewarded intelligence is good as a badge of irresistibility but don’t use it to work long hours changing the world like Ghandi or anything, because women crave…

Attention

This means, of course, listening. Or at least nodding. For hours, maybe even years. Our resident gender psychologist* says that “Listening to a woman is the quickest way to get in her good graces and build a successful relationship based on sharing and caring. But never listen too hard, or risk marriage. I know a guy who listened for six years, all the way up to the divorce. And now she won’t let me see my d*mn kids, god*mnit.”

Thoughtfulness

It’s good to be thoughtful, but not about yourself. Thoughtfulness in no way, shape, or form means “full of thought”. It means remembering an important day or something she likes or whatever. Buzzbin suggests stealing her journal or diary if she has one and just reading the d*mn thing with a pen nearby. Then, once a year, just pick something out of your notes and surprise her with something related to it. If you misfire, she will assume the psychic connection you two have may have gone slightly awry, but is more likely to feel guilty than to take it out on you. And when you hit it, you hit it.

Dominance

There are two types of this- in the world, and in the sack. In the world, you can aggressively pursue things and it makes you look like an alpha male, whether it’s a job at Burger King or a book deal, depending on who you’re with. In the sack, things can go two ways. You can fumble around for hours, sensually caressing the wrong erogenous zones and making a fool out of yourself, or you can just do the classic dominant jackhammer. Statistically, she’ll probably feel only one of those options tomorrow, so take the safe route.

Humor

Women love to laugh, but mostly at other men. Make too good of a joke and she’ll think you’re full of yourself (or retarded), and make a bad one and she runs the risk of you embarrassing her in front of her ravenous she-pack. The best advice Buzzbin can give is to stay strong and silent. Hulking mutes are irresistible, right ladies?

Class

Science has also proven that men who smell fairly horrid get more girls, due to pheromones oozing over their glistening onion-scented skin. While you’re donning Armani and brushing up on your French, most women are scouring the clubs for the dirtiest bastard they can find. Shower rarely and find success.

Unpredictability

This is, of course, not always true- take it from us. Some flowers sent to her work are not as irresistible as, say, not calling her ever again after sex, but slightly more irresistible than a new illegitimate child. Holes in condoms are unpredictable. And so are storms.

*by gender psychologist, we mean drunken uncle

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