BY | D.BEALLThey got their name from a Gwar song. They’ve drank all of your beer and then suplexed midgets into guitar cabinets. Jeff Hyde and Jeremy James are the acoustic punk comedy duo called the Jagermonsters. They do cover songs of anything you like and plenty you might not like but they like so they’re playing it anyways. They haven’t played out since last Halloween. They’re coming back to play the Factory of Terror, the haunted house on Mahoning Rd. that recently secured the Guinness World Record for World’s Longest Haunted House (yes, the longest haunted house in the world, at almost 3500 ft., is in Canton.) The Jagermonsters started playing there the 24th of September and will go until the end of October, playing every Friday night around 9:00 to 11:30. On a sunny day in New Philly, I’m talking to Jeff Hyde. Like him or not, you’ve probably seen this guy around Canton, playing in this band or that. He’s the guy with the stringy black locks and the Hulk Hogan mustache that only he and the Hulkster can pull off. We do our interview at a children’s playground and halfway through Hyde is rebuked by a lady pushing a baby carriage for his cursing. Perhaps the playground was a bad choice. Hyde gives me a little history while he chain smokes. “We got together to screw off.” Hyde explains, “We were sick of being in bands that were like a job. Just practice this, practice that, as soon as we stopped doing that, we got the biggest response we ever got.” The response he’s talking about would have been during the first annual Buzzbin Ball at the Carriage House in 2009; it was the Jagermonsters first show. “I’d never seen the place so packed. People went nuts over us, we were in total shock. We were hosting these Buzzbin shows for a little while, it was fun, some wild stuff. “ “Jeremy suplexed a midget stripper once. I feel a tugging on my pants and I look down like holy sh*t, were’d you come from darlin’? Later, she kicked Jeremy in the balls and he suplexed her into the guitar cabinet.” Playing a rousing cover of the Dead Kennedy’s “Too Drunk to F*ck” earned Hyde a large tattoo on his forearm of a Sailor Jerry-esque naked gal reclining in a hammock that seems to be nailed into his skin, tattooed blood oozing around the nails. “We do our favorite songs- there’s really no discrimination in regards to genre. We’ll be playing some Misfits, Smut Peddlers, Rodney Carrington, really anything raunchy and funny. There’s no picking and choosing the set list, I just gotta barrel through it”, he chuckles. “At the Factory of Terror, we’re doing five or six Rocky Horror Picture Show songs.” They’re gonna dress the part, too. James will be in a Riff Raff costume and Hyde will creep the hell out of you as the lingerie-sporting Frankenfurter, “I think I’ve got the legs for it,” he jokes. Jeremy James owns a recording studio- Attaboy Studios in New Philly, which is turning out to be one of the more affordable (but not at the expense of quality) options for bands in the area. “He’ a genius, man; he’s brilliant.” Hyde says. They’ve known each other for years. Before the Jagermonsters, the last thing James was doing was called The Dub Brothers, a laptop duo that Hyde would play with from time to time. “As soon as they split ways I seized the opportunity and got together with him.” Later, the punk band the Guntpunchers were formed to release the original material being written by the two. It’s something Hyde has been doing for around 27 years. Born into a family of musicians, Hyde remembers sitting on bar stools with his parents, watching them and other bands. “That’s all I really want to do. I’ve worked some gnarly, sh*tty jobs and that’s not my scene. I’d rather play music. It’s probably not the smartest financial move that you can make. I’m pretty much making sure I’m gonna be poor for the rest of my life.” Hyde is a regular at Old Glory (temporarily closed until next year) and, like many Canton musicians, in the meantime laments the general lack of a scene based in community. “I’d like to get a bunch of local bands and have like those old caravan tours, like Elvis and Jerry Lee Lewis and Johnny Cash all touring together. I’ve seen so many good bands come through Old Glory- Crappy Dracula, The Matrimonials. These guys are getting little to no credit.” He seems angry and I don’t blame him one bit. “I was watching the VMAs the other day and the only time I saw somebody hold a guitar was f*cking Taylor Swift. I want my MTV back. Elvis didn’t envision this for rock n’ roll.” It’s a point that should be heeded by many a local musician. Nobody is going to do it for you. Hyde knows that real bands sweat and take baby wipe baths at truck stops, and that’s part of what makes the Jagermonsters unique. They’re the band that doesn’t give a sh*t but does, the band that’s in it for fun, but not because they’re not serious about music. Check them out for yourself. Get down to the Factory of Terrror and get terrified by the Jagermonsters every Friday in October.