Dear Jara, My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. I am eight months pregnant with our first child. As far as I know, my husband has never cheated on me, even when we were dating.I have been on bed rest for the last two months due to complications with my pregnancy. Before I got pregnant, our sex life was great. During my pregnancy, however, it began to dwindle because it was painful for me, and then the doctor banned it completely when he put me on bed rest.Recently, my husband accidentally left his cell phone on our nightstand when he left for work. I was bored, so I innocently began scrolling through his pictures, which were mostly of us. You can’t imagine my shock when I came to a picture of a naked woman that I had never seen before. I found several more pictures of this woman, some of them showing her having sex with another guy. I dug deeper and went through his texts and found that my husband and this woman have been sending hundreds of dirty texts to each other for the past 4 months! I was completely floored! I never saw this coming, and I feel like such a fool. I feel like he has been cheating on me. I confronted my husband when he came home, and he told me that this woman was an old coworker who no longer works with him. He swore that nothing has happened between them, and that this is just innocent fun. I asked him if he has feelings for her and he said “no”. I am crushed. I know that I have not been attending to my husband’s physical needs during my pregnancy, but I don’t think that it is right that he is turning to this other woman to fulfill his sexual fantasies. I say he is having an affair, but he says that I am being ridiculous, because he has not seen this woman in person for over a year. I don’t know what to do. It is hard to kick him out when I am weeks away from having our baby, but I definitely do not want to put up with this type of behavior. What should I do? Signed, Feeling Cheated Dear Cheated, You are correct. Your husband is having an affair. It may not be a physical affair, but it is somewhere along the lines of an emotional affair, which can be just as toxic to a marriage. Sexting (I hate that term — are we in sixth grade?) has no place in a committed relationship, regardless of whether or not you are able to tend to your husband’s physical needs right now. I realize you are pregnant. If you’re on bed rest you need to avoid all types of stress, which is exactly why it’s so awful. This guy is a total dirtbag. YOU’RE PREGNANT WITH HIS BABY, on bed rest and he’s dirty talking some other chick. Get your head in the game, focus on your baby and yourself. If you have a viable support system, make use of it and get him out. If that’s not an option, use him for whatever you think he’s going to offer as far as help. (Since he sounds like a jerkoff, I would assume he wouldn’t be helping out so much anyway.) Gauge out the stress level you’re going to come up against. Put your baby and yourself first. It sounds like you already know the right answer. Dear Jara, I didn’t send out thank-you cards for my baby shower in August 2010 (my daughter is now 6 months) and my parents are so angry with me they won’t speak to me. Is there anything I can do to make everyone happy without looking even more “tacky” then I already do? Signed, Bad Manners Dear Bad Manners, Uhm. They’re really not talking to you? Are you sure you’re not exaggerating? Your parents are for real not speaking to you? Yikes. Do you think that is a tiny bit unreasonable? You are in the first year of your child’s life. I don’t have any babies, but I hear they’re a ton of work. That said, yes, it is totally tacky to not send thank-you notes. However, it is really not the end of the world. BUT you need to send official thank-yous. I think you can still salvage this situation. I think you should make a round of “I’m Sorry I Forgot, But I’ve Been Sleeping 20 Minutes a Day and It Slipped My Mind” cards. Personalize those cards — “Thank you for the baby walker, Bernard loves to play with it” — and enclose a picture of your baby in action. This way, the card is official and it also adds an unexpected bonus. Now you’re making a joke, poking some fun at yourself, but still paying tribute. You can agree that baby showers are no fun: When people take the time to buy a present, take more time to come to the party, then sit through watching you open every single gift, they deserve more than a free plate of pasta salad. Write out the cards, and start talking to your parents again. You’ll need them to babysit eventually. Dear Jara, There’s this guy that I like a lot. He just spent two weeks in Sweden for hockey, and when he got back I left on vacation with my family. While he was away we would talk every single night and he would tell me how much he likes me, how much he missed me and he would call me “babe” in just about every sentence. He promised me that once he and I were back he would hang out. We’ve made a lot of plans but nothing has happened. Now it seems that whenever I talk to him he just seems awkward and distant, but if he starts the conversation he’s all cute and sweet. I want to try and not talk to him and let it all be up to him. Last night when we were talking, he was just being awkward. I asked him if something was bothering him and he just said, “No, I’m just kind of tired”. He hasn’t even tried talking to me. I just don’t get it. He’s sending the most mixed signals. Signed, Confused in Canton Dear Confused, But ARE they mixed signals? Really? If a conversation is awkward, like he doesn’t want to be talking to you, he probably doesn’t. If he used to be all sweet and charming and now he’s not, I would move on. Maybe it’s timing, maybe his helmet is too tight. That’s not your problem. You’re a great chick with lots of options. Give this dude his space, and when/if he wants to be around, he will be. When a guy likes you, it doesn’t matter that he’s been practicing slap shots all day or that he’s jetlagged — he will always like talking to you. Awkward and distant is bad, I wouldn’t waste your energy trying to figure out what he’s thinking. You sound young, so enjoy your life and don’t waste it hoping that some jock will realize that you’re cuter than his goalie. This is important: You don’t have to be mean or angry. I would just gradually start ignoring him, in a nice way. You could a little short and uninterested when he calls. Don’t be rude, just get him to the point or off the phone — you’re wheelin’ and dealin’. (That’s called the Classic Jara Fade Out. It’s a finishing move, one that has never let me down. You can weed out the dudes that aren’t that into you. Don’t get mad; not every dude is going to put a ring on it.) If he does really like you, this approach will portray you as coveted and unattainable — THE best two adjectives there are in the dating world. Dear Jara, For the past 4 months I’ve had the biggest crush I’ve ever had on one of my friends. A couple of months ago, I gathered up the courage I needed to tell him how I feel, but he replied that he only liked me as a friend. I’ve tried getting over it, but I just can’t, and it’s driving me crazy! I keep wishing, hoping and praying that he’ll ask me out, even though I know that he won’t. I’ve thought about asking him out, and even come close to actually doing it a few times, but I’m scared, since he knows that I know that he doesn’t feel the same way about me. But at the same time, something is telling me that I won’t be able to get this out of my system unless I give it a shot. But considering it took me four hours of staring at my phone, saving drafts of text messages and cancelling sent ones just to tell him that I like him, I don’t think I have the courage to ask him out, even just as friends. What should I do? Signed, Stuck in Friend Zone Dear Friend Zone, Babe. Didn’t he already tell you how he feels? Stop asking him out. Don’t tell him again how much you love him. When a dude says he just wants to be friends, that means you’re in the Sister Spot. If you are too persistent on being with him, it will just make it worse. I’m sorry, it sounds like you’re really into him. But I want you to seriously consider the idea that maybe you like him more than you should because he is impossible to nail down. Because he says “thanks but no thanks”, he becomes a challenge. You sound fixated on him, maybe not because you love him but because you can’t have him. In the event that you are legitimately in love with him, you can’t make him love you back. If you can remain friends, stay friends. If not, slowly stop hanging out with him. You have plenty of friends. It sounds like you want a boyfriend; maybe it’s your time or maybe not. But, do you know how many dudes there are? Like, on the whole planet? Find one that wants to be your friend AND get naked with you. They’re out there.