Dear Jara,
We want to honor both sides of the family with our daughter’s name. I came up with the name Sue Mae (my side) Rose Marie (his side). Sue Mae Rose Marie. Is that too long? I love the name, but everyone else hates it. In my heart I just want to honor our grandmothers. Nothing else felt right. How else can you make Susie Mae and Rose Marie chic and/or current? Help!
Loyal Granddaughter
Dear Loyal Granddaughter,
In short, yes, the name is too long. Plus, too many times parents try to honor relatives and it just doesn’t translate. The name sounds like someone from Dog Patch, or someone who marched in the women’s suffrage movement. I get why you’ve chosen the names, but come on. This is a name that will be on this kid’s head forever. Coming from someone named Jara, I ask you to think it over. Also, if you try to modernize or make the names chic, isn’t that nullifying what you’re doing in the first place?
If you can say that you legitimately love those four names, go nuts. It’s your kid. If you want a little guidance, I have a few ideas. For instance, what about the grandmother’s maiden name? Where was she born? Did she have an imaginary friend with a cool name? You get what I’m doing here — you can still honor her but stay a little left of center. Don’t forget to consider your last name when choosing this kid’s first name.
Dear Jara,
I don’t normally trust advice columnists; I doubt that you’re even a real person. Then again, I don’t normally trust anyone anymore.
My problem has two parts: First, I am a freshman at my high school and I’m finding out how much high school sucks. I am constantly bullied and I’m being called names. They call me all sorts of names, from gay to simply telling me I’m an idiot, or putting me down, or calling me weird. I’ve defaulted into an almost emo sort of person who pretty much lashes out at everything and hates most people. I know that the bullying might be worse, but I was still very bad before I started this.
My second problem ties in with the first.
Last year in eighth grade, I fell hard for a girl. It ended up being a really bad relationship for both of us. It got ugly when I sent some stupid Facebook messages to a friend at that time about wanting to commit suicide and maybe harm her as well. This resulted in a suspension from school, and now some still give me crap about it and think I’m a weirdo. Anyway, since then, this friend and I have gotten into a few major fights (not physical). I think he might be trying to be my friend again, but it’s hard to tell because he is mean to me as well. So pretty much I don’t trust him or anyone else at my school. I am absolutely miserable.
What now?
Jon
Dear Jon,
First off, Jon, I am very real. That is really my picture and I really write back. Second, I’m glad you wrote me. I’m also very sad that this is what you and thousands of kids in high school have to endure every day. Bullying is a horrifying, and horrifyingly common, problem. If people truly knew what you and others go through on a daily basis, I think there would be more vigilance. (Note: When I say “bullying,” I am not talking about teasing or good-natured ribbing. Terrorizing someone is not funny or good-natured.)
The bullying is the part that troubles me the most. If it has escalated and no one in authority is trying to help, consider changing schools. If that isn’t an option, you’re going to have to tough it out. I hate saying that, but in reality, that’s all you can do. Are you going to fight everyone? You’d be in trouble, at school and possibly legally. Bullying is mental abuse, but face it with the belief that you can make it through. Know that you will be a better person when it is over, and take comfort in the thought that many bullies peak in high school. You’ll be laughing at them when they’re washing your car after graduation.
In regards to Facebook: it was a mistake, you’re young, you got suspended and I’m assuming you learned a lesson. If you’re considering suicide, tell your parents so they can get you help. Also, this “friend” sounds like a douche. If he’s also bullying you, drop him. If he’s just teasing you as a bud, just toughen up, kid. Hang in there, dude. Life is so much easier after high school.
Dear Jara,
I am 20 years old and yesterday was the first time I ever heard of twin flames. I already am a strong believer because I believe that the woman in my life is my other half, my twin flame. We met unexpectedly our freshman year in college, and ever since, we have grown together. I have read many websites about twin flames already and all the signs and symptoms are exact. And I read that when twin flames meet when they are not ready, they face hard times and struggle, which is somewhat of a test by God of unconditional love. That was when I knew. We have struggled through so much together.
We think the same, spiritually and emotionally, about each other. We have the same thoughts. My heart melts every time I see her and hers the same for me. But these struggles — it’s one right after the other, for almost two years straight. We have been holding onto fears and our egos, just the things we are to let go of. We have decided to be friends until the time is right, but no other love can compare.
Is there any advice you could give me? I know we should let go of our fears and egos and just let our hearts bring us together and God’s will.
Believer
Dear Believer,
What are you talking about? What the hell is a twin flame? Wrap your head in aluminum foil and crush your cell phone; you need to stay off the grid.
Everybody has a problem. What’s yours? For a personal reply, email dearjara@buzzbinmagazine.com or write to Dear Jara, 339 Cleveland Ave NW, Canton, OH 44702
