Dear Jara, I’m 30 years old and still Daddy’s little angel. I love my father more than anything and I know he loves me. He’s the most wonderful man in the world. Because of this, I have always had trouble dating. I know what I want in a man: I want my father. But no one compares to him. I have psychoanalyzed myself a million times and I know that I need to stop comparing men to Dad, but I just can’t. Do you have any insight? Sincerely, Daddy’s Girl Dear Daddy’s Girl, Granted, the dating pool of today is no picnic. (It’s a blood sport.) But the Daddy’s Girl is at the top of the list of turnoffs for men, and for good reason. You’re the female equivalent of the Mama’s Boy. Firstly, you already know you’re a monster created by your father. But at least you’re old enough to recognize and fix the issue. (Well, depending on how far gone you are.) Perhaps you’re always waiting for your father to swoop in and save the day. Maybe this has transferred to your dates and you’ve been let down. Here’s the deal: Your date is your date, and your father is your father. Don’t look for a father figure; you already have one. Look for a date. No one else will ever be your dad. Relying on someone is fine, but it isn’t the first and only thing to look for in a significant other. Work on being independent, and try to approach the world not looking out of your father’s castle window, but on your own, up close and personal. You don’t need anyone to take care of you. Dear Jara, A friend recently came to visit me and noticed all of the clutter and junk under my bed. He told me I needed to clear everything out and place a good-sized mirror face-up under the bed. He said this will reflect good feelings and well-being back onto me while I sleep, and may help my love life. Is there any truth to this? Sincerely, Superstitious Dear Superstitious, Uh, seriously? I seriously doubt it. But shit, how should I know, dude? Google it. Let me know. Dear Jara, I’ve been dating my fiancé for five years. We’ve lived together for four years and have been engaged for over two and a half. When he proposed things seemed to be moving along. I talked about setting a wedding date and he wanted to do that. Then a few days after we got engaged his ex-girlfriend contacted him. He said they were just friends. But of course, I’m a woman and my mind went crazy. Since then he’s refused to set a wedding date and has even teased me, saying, “You don’t need to get married; you already did that and it didn’t work out.” I think I’ve proven to him over the last five years that I’m very serious about this relationship and in this for the rest of my life. Now, the ex-girlfriend may have nothing to do with this, but he’s still in contact with her. He doesn’t always tell me when he speaks to her but eventually it comes out. I’ve also learned that he’s met her for coffee a couple of times. I’ve asked him to invite her to parties that we throw, but he says she’d be too uncomfortable. Too uncomfortable? What? I’ve spoken to him a little about how I feel but each time he gets mad and just says that I’m blowing things out of proportion. Well, I don’t think I am. Should I lay it on the table that I don’t want him to have any relationship, even just friends, with her, or should I just ignore it? Sincerely, Jealous of the Ex Dear Jealous of the Ex, Yeahhh, I think you already have the information you seek. But if you want someone to tell you straight up, I will: This is crap. I don’t play with the whole ex-girlfriend-as-a-friend deal. You wanna “get coffee” with your ex? Go nuts. I won’t be here when you get home. Girls and guys are never “just friends.” Guys have friends, they’re dudes and they’re a hell of a lot easier to relate to than women. “Just friends” is a carefully created and managed myth that dudes tell chicks to try to bang them. So his being “just buds” with his freaking ex-girlfriend isn’t working for me and it shouldn’t for you. I know you’re engaged; I get it. But that’s supposed to be a big deal. He should NOT be hanging with his ex and teasing you that “you don’t need to get married.” Nahhhh. I don’t think so. Plus, he won’t invite her to parties? Convenient. Too uncomfortable? Why? Because he’s being a dirtbag. It’s no more complicated than that. If you need verbal confirmation, you could sit down and discuss it, but it sounds like he’d just sugarcoat and lie about it. Cut your losses, give him back the ring (yeah, give it back) and dip out. Sorry, sister. Dear Jara, This might sound like a stupid question, but I’m positively stumped. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We just got engaged and are planning on moving in together. But there’s one little catch: He’s given me an ultimatum. I have to give up my cat, Meatball, before he moves in because he’s allergic. I’ve had that cat for seven years, much longer than I’ve even known my boyfriend, and Meatball is like my baby! How can I give him up? I don’t want to. He seems to be sympathetic and understands how hard it would be for me to let Meatball go, but he’s put his foot down. He won’t move in until the cat is gone. Sincerely, Meatball Lover Dear Meatball Lover, Nooo! This has got to be the worst type of decision. I absolutely adore my dog, and if my dude was allergic, I don’t even know what I would do. I’m allergic to cats, and typically grab a Claritin if I’m going to someone’s house. Maybe your dude can take a daily allergy med, or something from his doctor? (We can grow an ear on the back of a mouse. Don’t tell me we still can’t beat allergies.) Relationships are about compromise. I’m sure you’ve thought of keeping your cat in one area of the house, which sounds unfair to your kitty. If you’ve looked into everything medication-wise, you could just make a daily commitment to cleaning, which means dusting/vacuuming every single day. (Which sounds unreasonable, but desperate times call for desperate measures.) Special HEPA filters on your vacuum can get things under control, while steam-cleaning is the best option. You could even wash your cat. If you’re not going to spend your life cleaning, it’ll boil down to your cat or your man. Ultimatums are dumb, and also unfair; it’s hard to get your way after you’ve set the terms. He’s set the tone, and you need to answer back. He knew you had the cat from the start. My advice is to crush his resistance on the surface, but quietly prepare a new loving home for your cat if things go sideways. He’s on the Meatball train or he’s not. You will make a decided effort to control the dander, to make him comfortable, but the cat stays. You had the cat first; he can wait it out. While compromise is a must, it isn’t going to be accomplished through acts of terrorism. If things don’t work out, if you can’t keep it clean enough, re-think your Meatball plan. If you are fully okay with giving Meatball to a new home, you’ll be ready. But I wouldn’t come out of the gate letting your dude know he can put up these ultimatums and get his way every single time. Giving up your pet is a big deal. Bend now and you’ll have no hand in the relationship. Dear Jara, As you are very well aware, sometimes it’s extremely difficult to be a celebrity. My husband Tom and I are absolutely shocked and appalled that some floozy is going to lose her virginity in her very first porn movie. And she’s calling herself Katee Holmes! I am so embarrassed, I want to crawl in a hole and reread the collected works of L. Ron Hubbard. Imagine, abusing my name like that. I bet she’s not even losing her virginity, that it’s all an outrageous lie. Signed, The Real Katie Holmes Dear Really Katie, Ohhhh. Okay, so you are the real Katie Holmes and you’re living in the Akron/Canton area and you need my advice. I get it, because you’re really famous and married to Tom Cruise because you’re Katie Holmes. I see. And you’re angry because a porn star has a name similar to yours, but spells it differently. Here’s what you do: Make an appointment with a psychiatrist — not a psychologist, because you’re going to need drugs. Because you’re not Katie Holmes. But, just for fun, legally, “Katee” Holmes has no responsibility to you or your name. She spells it differently. You’re not trademarked. I’m pretty sure that she’s okay there. Plus, you showed your boobs in “The Gift.” Get out of here.