Dear Jara, I’m going to see a play my crush is in. He knows I like him, since I told him twice, but now we’re just friends, I guess. What’s the best way of saying “I still like you” without freaking him out with a backstage gram? A rose or a $25 Malley’s candy giftcard? Signed, Crushing on Theater Geek Dear Crushing, Don’t do anything like that. Both ideas are pretty weak. That is the stuff you do once you’re already dating, because it’s only cute if you both like each other. You told him twice, and you’re still “just friends”? Drop it altogether. It doesn’t sound like he digs you. (Sorry.) Still, when I was in high school, I could hang out with my theater-geek friends until the wee hours. Why? Because they’re the most non-threatening males you’ll ever come into contact with. Even if one DID like you, you won’t find out until you’re in your late twenties. What you want to do is send him a note that says “Your acting made me hot.” Lay off the roses and chocolates; dudes don’t care about that stuff until they’re middle-aged, overweight and single. But dudes will ALWAYS want to know how much a girl wants them. But promise me this will be the LAST time you tell this dude that you like him. Dear Jara, If I taped a piece of buttered toast to a cat and dropped them both, would they hover above the ground? Signed, Can’t Figure it Out Dear Can’t Figure, While your experiment is lame, not a solicitation of advice and largely not funny, I will answer anyway. The answer is yes, if you flip the butter facing away from the cat. They will most definitely hover. Cats always land on their feet, and toast always lands buttered side down. Physics, dummy. Dear Jara, I have always enjoyed watching baseball on TV. As I get older, maybe I have become pickier or more sensitive, but all the spitting in baseball is really getting to me. Is it just me, or is there more spitting than ever? I hate all of the spitting. It’s ruining my appreciation of the game.  Signed, American Pastime Ruined Dear Ruined, Baseball is boring. If you must be a part of this, listen on the radio where you can’t see anyone spitting. And yes, you are way too picky and sensitive. Dear Jara, Sometimes when we’re driving somewhere and silent for a while, my husband will turn to me and ask, “What are you thinking about?” What should I say?  Signed, Passenger Dear Passenger, I think what he’s really saying is, “The coast is clear for some road head — wanna hook it up?” I hate when people ask me what I’m thinking. Shut up. If it concerned you, I’d say it out loud. That’s called a conversation. Next time he asks, throw in something sarcastic and maybe he’ll stop asking. Here are some possible one-liners: “I was just thinking about how great you look in sweatpants.” Or maybe, “I was just thinking that I’d love to see your baseball-card collection from when you were ten.” My favorite: “I was just thinking that it’s totally unfair of me to expect you to be interested in my emotions.” My time in my head is my only free time, and I will safeguard it at all costs. Dear Jara, I have a real problem: I was given a necklace by another Wiccan. She and I do not get along, so I was very surprised when she gave me this gift. Now I’m wondering if she placed a curse on it, or a charm or spell. I am Wiccan but my expertise lies more in energy fields and the spiritual world. This is a necklace of metal beads and I feel uneasy with the energy but I wish I knew what her motives were. Thank you for any answers. Blessed Be! Signed, Wiccan Blessings Dear Wiccan, Hmm. Yes, this is a real problem. You’ll have to cast a “Detect Magic” or “Read Magic” on it. Those are both level-one spells, so it should be fairly simple. Also, this sounds shockingly similar to the Hawaiian vacation episode of “The Brady Bunch.” Did she find this necklace at an archaeological dig? Do unlucky things happen to you while you’re holding it? (P.S.: What would lead you to believe I have ANY insight on magic spells?)