The Venetia Fair is a group of guys out of Boston making music with one another and pretty much showing off their crazy personality and bronze skin. Their music is a theatrical rock sort of sound, sort of like if My Chemical Romance and Panic! At the Disco were to collaborate and tan together. We got to talk to Mr. Chark and Mike Abiuso. We started by explaining the rules to Mike. Mike: I always have fun. Carmen: Good. Mike: and here comes Mr. Chark too. Maybe should we do one answer for the both of us. Nicole: Yah, that’d be cool. Mike: Or one answer each? Nicole: I thought that was what you meant. Mike: So, one answer for the both of us? Carmen: You both can answer separately. Mr. Chark: I’ll answer his questions. Carmen: They’re the same questions. Mike: How about this. She asks me and then I’ll ask you. Carmen: That works. So, do you guys collect bras? Mike: Bras? I don’t collect bras. Mr. Chark, do you collect bras? Mr. Chark: No, I don’t have any bras. Carmen: No? Nobody’s thrown any at you? Mike: We drove home one time and there were three bras attached to the underside of our trailer once. But other than that… Mr. Chark: They were just people we ran over that day. Mike: Yah, they weren’t just bras. They were body parts as well. Michelle: You just kept the bras. Mr. Chark: We burned everything because that wasn’t… they’d get you if there was evidence. Mike: You know what they say… I’m not going to get into this. Next? Carmen: What’s an absolute necessity on tour? Mike: Hmm. Mr. Chark, what’s an absolute necessity for tour? Mr. Chark: I have four bowties in the drawer of my trailer. Now on the Warped Tour, it’s more about bronzing than anything else. As you can see, we’re pretty much the bronzest band on Warped Tour. We work hard for that. Everyday, we’ve got to get out in the sun. But no shirts. But other than that, when I’m not bronzing every day. I like to wear a bow tie every day. It’s like a little bit of class in a pit of disgust. Carmen: You can add the bowtie class while bronzing. Michelle: Get a nice outline. Mr. Chark: No. No. No. I do not want a bowtie tanline. Nicole: But then you have a perma-bowtie. Michelle: Always a bowtie. Mr. Chark: I don’t think she knows. Mike: I think Carmen needs to learn how this is being run. Mr. Chark: Maybe we’ll answer the questions from now on. Mike: Do you want to know what I do? Carmen: Yes. Mike: Well my necessity is body, shave and shampoo all in one. And you know, I also use it as deodorant and toothpaste even though you’re not supposed to. But you know. Mr. Chark: (raises his hand) Mike: Mr. Chark, yes? Mr. Chark: Another necessity is Mike is really nice but sometimes he gets his cranky pants on. So. Mike: Watch out for my feelings. Mr. Chark: Yah, so maybe you shouldn’t listen to this one. Michelle: Ear muffs. Mr. Chark: But he really likes sweets. So, I bring a bag of candy with me. Or soda everywhere I go. And maybe he gets a little bit like maybe he put on the wrong pants and he put on the cranky pants instead of the regular pants. Then I’ll give him some sweets and everything is better. Okay (turns to Mike and gets him to stop his earmuffs.) Nothing happened, right? Carmen: No. So, what’s the strangest gift you’ve gotten on tour? Mr. Chark: We got bacon cupcakes. Mike: That was mine. For my birthday. Mr. Chark: It was your birthday? Why didn’t I get a present. Mike: Because it was my birthday. Mr. Chark, what was the strangest gift you got on tour? Mr. Chark: Someone gave me a book about Mike: Oh, the Goosebumps one? Mr. Chark: No, that was your present also. Someone gave me. What’s it called when it’s a bad sickness, like a disease that whipes out everything. Carmen: Oh, an epidemic? Mr. Chark: No, it’s more than that. Michelle: Like a plague. Nicole: Oh, a pandemic? Mr. Chark: Yah, someone gave me a handbook about that. So, I don’t know what they thought. Michelle: Oh, I thought you were going to say they gave you a pandemic. Nicole: In that case, this interview’s over. Mr. Chark: I don’t think I could have a pandemic. Because a pandemic is about a lot of people. And I’m only one person. And sometimes I’m not even a person. Michelle: Did the book give you advice on how to avoid. Mr. Chark: I didn’t read it. I looked at the cover for a while and got scared. Nicole: Did it have pictures? Mr. Chark: It had a skull and crossbones one it. And it had menacing colors so I didn’t open it. Nicole: That’s probably a good idea. Mr. Chark: Honestly, I was kind of spooked. Carmen: What’s the greatest part about being on tour? Mike: Okay, Mr. Chark, Carmen asked what’s the greatest part about being on tour? Mr. Chark: This tour? Nicole: Um.. all tours? Mike: All tours? Nicole: Tours in general. Mike: Oh, they want to know all tours. Mr. Chark: Oh, okay. Well, the greatest part for us about being on tour is that we are not homeless when we are on tour. Because we’re not playing shows, we’re homeless. But when we are playing shows. Mike: Talk to me. Mr. Chark: (Turns to Mike) Oh. When we’re playing shows we get to go on tours and so we don’t feel like we’re such peasants because we can tell people “Oh, we’re a band, we’re on tour. It’s okay that we don’t have a house.” But then when we’re not on tour, all we are are stupid idiots without a place to live. Mike: Good. Um, Michelle did you hear that? Michelle: Yeah, I did. Mike: Okay, we’re good. That was my answer too. Carmen: What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve done on stage? Mike: Okay, Mr. Chark, Carmen wants to know what’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve done on stage. Mr. Chark: Me or you? Because you peed in that water bottle on stage, recently. Mike: She wanted to know about you though. Well, alright. I, wait, who am I talking to? Carmen: Me. Mike: Carmen, I peed in a water bottle on stage. And then everyone in the band was yelling at me to get rid of it because we all drink water quickly while we’re on stage and kind of spit it at each other. But they were like “don’t put that there, because someone is going to surely drink it.” So I moved it over slowly, let no one notice it was there. Mr. Chark: He tried to hide it. But we were watching. Mike: Probably about six times. All eyes were on me. So I couldn’t really move it anywhere. So then I threw it across the room toward the garbage. Nicole: Was there a cap? Or was it just. Mike: There was a cap. Mr. Chark: Yah, but we all have fingers so we could all open it up pretty easily which is the danger. If it was on my side of the stage I wouldn’t have minded. Mike: It was, it was behind your amp. But Benny saw it. Mr. Chark: No, it wasn’t. Mike: No, it was and then I moved it. Mr. Chark: Oh really? Oh… Mike: Mr. Chark: What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve done. I think Nicole might have wanted to know. Mr. Chark: Um, I’ve been noticing recently, a lot of times when I’m playing, I start punching myself in the dick. Yah, it just started happening. Mike: I haven’t noticed that. Mr. Chark: Yah, and I was pretty weirded out by that. Mike: Did that happen yesterday? Mr. Chark: Yah, I did it yesterday a lot. Mike: (whispers to Nicole) um.. Mr. Chark has been hitting himself in the.. penis… Nicole: On purpose? Mike: I don’t know. (Turns to Mr. Chark) On purpose? Mr. Chark: Things happen… Mike: (Turns to Nicole) I don’t really know. Nicole: Okay, let’s move one. Carmen: If you weren’t’ a rock star, what would you be? Mike: Um, Mr. Chark? Mr. Chark: What do they want to know? Mike: Carmen wants to know if you weren’t a rock star, what would you want to be? Mr. Chark: Um, a garbage man, I think. I saw a few of those and that’s pretty cool. They get to bronze. Mike: Yah, well I want to be the same thing. Maybe like the guy that’s been outside and the other gets to be inside. Mr. Chark: Yah, I want to be outside. Mike: Um, Carmen. I think both of us want to go with the garbage man. The guy on the outside? Carmen: Is that your final answer? Mike: Yup. Carmen: For 50 points? Mr. Chark: We’re getting points for these? Mike: I don’t know. Mr. Chark: How many points do we have so far? Mike: Talk to me. Mr. Chark: Oh, I want to know how many points we have so far. Mike: How many points do we have so far? Nicole: 32,000? 32,000 points. Michelle: Which is close to a record! You need five more. Mike: We’re about to make a record, I think. Mr. Chark: (write a number in Carmen’s notebook) Carmen: That’s how many you want? Mr. Chark: I think we got 60,000. I saw it written in her notebook. Michelle: Ding ding ding ding ding! Winner! Carmen: You guys are the winners. Good job. But you guys have one more question. Nicole: This is make it or break it. Carmen: Kill, fuck, marry: Brad Pitt, Lady Gaga, Megan Fox? Mike: Mr. Chark, would you kill, fuck or marry Brad Pitt, Megan Fox Mr. Chark: Don’t know how that is. Mike: Or, um. Tom Hanks? Mr. Chark: Tom Hanks? Oh, marry him. Hands down marry Tom Hanks. Mike: Fuck Brad Pitt then? Mr. Chark: I’d probably fuck him after I killed him. Carmen: Then you’d have to do that thing where youd have to destroy the evidence. Mr. Chark: Well, yah. We’d burn it. Mike: We’re gonna go with Tom Hanks. Mike: Uh, do you want to know anything about our band? Nicole: Yes. Michelle: Now that we’ve got the serious things out of the way, we can have a little fun. Mike: I’m from Brooklyn but the whole band is from Boston. We’re a five piece band. We’re theatrical, circus, punk rock, catchy. Mr. Chark: Heavy. Heavy, fun, dancey, wonky. Mike: Wild. It’s the most wild band that you will ever see. Carmen: Are you better than Peelander Z, because those guys are kind of crazy. Mr. Chark: We’re better than everyone. Mike: We’re better than everyone. Should I say it again? Carmen: Yah. Mike: We’re better than anyone you will ever see. Nicole: You got the most points, so you guys are winning. Mike: Have you done an interview with anyone that was as entertaining as us? Carmen: No, we haven’t actually. Mr. Chark: Will you ask if they’ve done an interview with anyone as bronze as us? Mike: Did you guys do interviews today? Michelle: Yes. Mike: (To Mr. Chark) I didn’t hear what you said. Did you guys do interviews with bronze people today? Carmen: Nicole is the bronzest we’ve had before you guys.