Ed. note: This article first appeared in the Spring 2011 Youngstown Pulse. Fred Whitacre has a diverse taste in music. When he says he listens to everything. Seriously, he listens to EVERYTHING. The Youngstown Pulse has started a new feature called “The Juke Joint.” The premise is simple. We ask people of local notoriety to pick 10 tunes they would play on a jukebox if they could play anything. It’s a top 10 list if you’re sitting at the bar, if you will. And while Whitacre gained his local stature by playing death metal in Kitchen Knife Conspiracy and hard rock/metal in White Cadillac, Whitacre loves Elton John. He loves Slayer. I’m not sure if he’s into ABBA, but I wouldn’t be surprised. So without further adieu, here is the new feature. Fred, take it away. — “I’ve been asked to choose 10 songs for a Jukebox at the bar for the new “Juke Joint” feature. But, I’m not going to pick ten random songs in any old bar. No. I’m going to open my own bar. It’s going to be called Lionel’s-in honor of the sultan of smooth, Lionel Richie. Next, a few stipulations of my bar, Lionel’s. There is going to be an archery range and two bowling lanes in the bar. And, of course, live trapeze acts going on late into the night, every night. Sometimes, we’ll have really shitty live national acts. Like Daughtry. And I’ll spend the money to bring him in. Because there’s always an off chance he might take a random archer’s arrow to the chest-and die. That will do everyone a favor. OK. On with the Jukebox selections. 1. “As the Worm Turns” by Faith No More I chose this song for several reasons. First, Faith No More is listed on VH-1’s list of One Hit Wonders — and that has to be one of the greatest tragedies of all time. So, that makes people want to drink. I’m all about making money at Lionel’s. Secondly, Chuck Mosley sings on this track. That poor bastard. We should all do a shot for that dude. The shortest straw was pulled for him. Finally, the song is about you not having a job. Once again, I sell some liquor. 2. “Davidian” by Machine Head This song is metal done right. It’s fast. Then, it grooves. Raw aggression. And, the last riff is the second heaviest riff in history, slightly behind the opening riff to Black Sabbath’s “Into the Void.” During this last riff in “Davidian”- everyone must punch themselves in the balls in rhythm to the song. It’s my bar. My rules. Do it, or get booted into the street. 3. “Down In a Hole” by Alice In Chains Go listen to this song right now. It’s amazing. Plus, you really want to drink right now. Don’t you? See? That’s why it’s on the juke in the first place. 4. “Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)” by Journey Here’s a song that the ladies will love. Damn, those keys sound hott. With two Ts. You find yourself thinking about the music video, where everyone in Journey is bouncing their mullets around next to that pier. There’s a girl walking down the pier that kinda looks like John Oates in a tight dress. Surely, that makes people want to drink-for hours. 5. “Cemetery Gates” by Pantera It’s very sad that people only think about Dimebag because he was killed on stage. This song shows how talented this band really was-and the vocal melody is haunting. Without question, you gotta do a shot for Dime. 6. “I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues” by Elton John (the live version with Mary J. Blige) The best song Elton has ever released, in my opinion. It’s made even better with the most soulful R&B voice we’ve had since The Supremes. Lionel’s also has a piano in it. But you can only play Elton’s songs. That’s the rules. You don’t like it? Drink PBR at home, then. 7. “N.I.B.” by Black Sabbath Well, simply put, if the bar you go to doesn’t have any Black Sabbath on the jukebox-you go to a shitty bar. 8. “Lady” by Kenny Rogers Are you trying to get some lovin’ tonight after you leave the bar? Of course you are! This song gets the job done every time. Without fail. Oh, and who wrote this timeless croon of endless seduction? Lionel Richie. Like I said, this song gets the job done every time. 9. “Wolverine Blues” by Entombed Do you feel that? That’s your balls rumbling relentlessly against your bar stool. Have another drink. 10. “This Time” by Life of Agony This groove is delicious. Keith Caputo’s voice soars and the guitar of Joey Z. is begging you to have another drink. And, I know this will incite a bar brawl. Yes, my establishment encourages those. Loser has to hang upside down, for one hour, from a trapeze. That’s it. I hope you enjoyed the musical selection at Lionel’s. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here. Unless you can recite every word from R.E.M.’s “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine).” Verses, too. If you can do that, stay as long as you like.