Dear Jara, My friends all make fun of me because they say I only like girls who are more masculine than me. It makes me feel like less of a man and I question my sexuality. I don’t care which side of the coin I fall on. I just want to know for myself. Signed, Man Lady Lover Dear Man Lady Lover, It sounds like you want to be dominated by someone in charge. Also, do you like having sex with another penis? Then that would mean that you’re gay. But, if you just like chicks with muscles, (and not wieners), no bigs, you’re straight. I would use a one-to-one dicks-to-vaginas ratio, or “head count,” if you will. And you aren’t less of a man if you want to bone down with a man. Dear Jara, My wife is preggo. Ever since I saw her plump up I have been on the Internet looking at pregnant-girl porn. I can’t get enough and I realize this is my fetish. Problem is, she won’t be pregnant forever and I am afraid I will lose interest in her. Even worse, what if I become a serial impregnator just to satisfy my needs? I’m fucked, aren’t I? Signed, Baby Mama Drama Dear Baby Mama Lover, I am a person who is creeped out by pregnant women. No offense to those beautiful, glowing women who are creating life, but they make me nervous. The whole concept is hard for me to really wrap my head around. I also want you to know how much I didn’t enjoy researching this for you, too. But I did it. For you. Pregnancy fetishism, or maiesiophilia or maieusophoria, applies to the attraction to pregnant women or those who appear pregnant. It also includes an attraction to lactation, or attraction to the particular stages of pregnancy like impregnation or childbirth. Now, no two “pregnophiles” are the same. Some dig the actual act of impregnating, others just like the physical change of the body, while others are only concerned with the actual circumstances in which the erotic subject may give birth. The good news is that for some “enthusiasts” nudity is not required, thus an actual pregnancy is not required to get them going. So, rest easy, good sir. While I was poking fun, when it comes to sex, everybody likes something kinda weird. Since it is impossible to have a pregnant partner forever, you have options. Role-playing sounds like your best bet. Throw a basketball up under that shirt. Get imaginative. The real tricky part could be trying to get your partner in on it. Dear Jara, When I touch my iPhone 4 to my head I get a little jolt. It only happens on my temple. I can’t tell if it is electricity or just a nervous spasm. Have you ever had this happen? Signed, iPhone Buzzzzzzzer Dear Buzzzzzzer, No, I have never heard of this before. I have never had it happen. Do you have any type of metal in your head? Could the phone be interfering with your alien tracking device? I need more information before I give you my advice. Dear Jara, Last week I was cruising down the road and a guy cut me off out of nowhere, then started chasing me around the block. He was having major road rage, but he didn’t know who he was fucking with. I got enraged and started chasing him all the way to his house where his kids ran out to “save” him. I could have killed him, I was so mad. Seriously. I have never been like this before and now I am scared something will trigger me and I won’t have the restraint the kids provided. Signed, Driving Mr. Crazy Dear Crazy, Mr. Crazy, I have a few issues with your story. First, you say this motorist cut you off, became enraged enough to chase you around the block. Why would someone cut you off and then be angry with you? Then he started chasing you? Sounds fishy. It sounds like you cut someone off and then turned into a bitchface. I don’t doubt that you followed this dude to his house; I have a friend who does this shit all the time. Road rage is a real thing, and so are physical assault charges. If you watch Dr. Phil, you know that when you are raging like this, you are at your weakest possible point. Though your adrenaline is pumping, you are nothing but a child throwing a temper tantrum that will end in expensive and ultimately life-ruining consequences. So, pack it up. I could tell you to just chill out. I could tell you to just breathe, to get laid once in awhile, but if you are really trying to beat a man in front of his CHILDREN, you’re probably going to need some actual help. Like from a professional. Dear Jara, I’m broke and I work two jobs. I have a few kids I pay child support for, but how do I get ahead? Seems like I won’t ever get any money for myself until these kids turn 18. Signed, Broke as a Joke Dear Broke, Yeah. It sounds like you are completely screwed. Is school an option? What about the world of exotic male escorting? If it were me, I would try to get back with baby mama and conserve money that way. I mean, you probably don’t get along, and you will probably hate your life, but at least this way you can see your kids more and maybe save some loot. Have a problem? Who doesn’t? Jara can help! Email jara@buzzbinmagazine.com