Photo by Karen Ballard

I’ve stated before that the songs playing in the early Internet trailers are often a precursor to great movies.  This is my very scientific method of calling cool movies.  Basically, any trailer with classic rock badass songs connotes a sweet flick.  For instance, The Expendables, the first movie with every relevant action star (except Steven Seagal- more on that later) onscreen simultaneously is going to be a rager.  Thin Lizzy’s “The Boys are Back” in town plays while “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, Terry Crews and Randy Couture are literally pile-driving the bad guys.  Jason Statham is quipping sexily and Stallone is snarling with a bone-chilling menace that only he can convey.

First off, the next “reviewer” who calls this a “testosterone fest” is going to get a rabbit punch.  I prefer “Manaplaooza 2010”.  Seriously, if you’re a fan of these guys, how epic is this movie going to be?

Visually speaking, no one is under any incorrect assumptions.  These are all older men; fit, yet definitely moving into their Golden-Buckeye-Card-carrying-for-“free-hot-beverages” phase of life.  Their pecs are deflated, their butts look like garbage bags filled with water and their over-tanned, Botoxed faces aren’t what they used to be.  Still, no one is questioning their capacity for kicking ass.

Even though this movie needs little more than a wink and a smile as far as the hard-hitting story department is concerned, I suspect there is an actual storyline here.  It’s billed as an action/thriller about a group of elite mercenary soldiers who have been hand-picked to infiltrate an unnamed South American country to terminate the ruthless dictator in power.  As the mission moves forward, the guys discover that the job isn’t quite what it appears to be.  Midway through, the guys are trapped in a web of deadly deception that involves a traitor amongst them.  An innocent woman’s life hangs in the balance while the men fight through what will undoubtedly destroy their band of brothers.

Sylvester Stallone is Barney “The Schizo” Ross, a paramilitary veteran and a man who has been pushed beyond his limits.  He is stark and stoic, the fearless leader and the brains of this group.  His second in command is Lee Christmas (Statham), a former SAS—a.k.a. British Special Forces.  Lee Christmas is unstoppable with bladed weapons.

Jet Li is Yin Yang, a Chinese expert of martial arts and close combat.  Terry Crews (the dad from Everyone Hates Chris) is Hale Caesar, Barney’s longtime friend and a specialist with long-barrel weapons.  Mickey Rourke weighs in as Tool, a former Expendable who has “reformed” into an arms dealer and tattoo artist.

Toll Road (Randy Couture) is the demolitions expert and considered the intellectual one- whatever that means.  My money for best performance, however, is on Dolph Lundgren as Gunnar Joseph, a veteran Swedish sniper with a long list of demons.  Arnold Schwarzenegger has a brief cameo as Trench, an old rival of Ross’.  Gisele Itié is the gorgeous freedom fighter, Sandra, a young indigenous woman.  Bruce Willis is Mr. Church, who offers Barney and his guys the job that no one else wanted.

The mission seems routine; overthrow General Gaza (David Zayas), a ruthless and bloodthirsty dictator on a small South American island.  While on an intel gathering mission to the city of Vilena, Barney and Lee Christmas meet their contact, Sandra, who happens to be a gorgeous freedom fighter with a dark secret of her own.  It is at this point that the Expendables meet their true enemy, a rogue former CIA operative named James Monroe (the always creepy Eric Roberts) and his goon Paine (Steve Austin).  Things go terribly wrong and Barney and Christmas must leave Sandra to her certain slaughter.  Of course, Barney is haunted by this and he returns to the island to rescue her and finish the original mission.

The first round of trailers attempted to sell the movie strictly on the novelty of Statham, Stallone, Willis, Ahh-nold, Rourke, Li and Lundgren, which, after those names, what else do you want to know?

To be fair, are fans demanding a serious plot in the first place?  Personally, I’m down with whatever mission they have cooked up.  It was mentioned that Jean-Claude Van Damme was offered a role by Stallone, but Van Damme declined, noting that there “wasn’t enough substance to the character”. Steven Seagal was asked to do a cameo but he didn’t gel with producers.

Bruce Willis was originally too busy with Cop Out to play the role of Mr. Church.  The role was apparently hard to cast- Schwarzenegger was offered the role but opted for a cameo because he’s busy being the governor of California.  Kurt Russell was rumored to have been offered the part until Willis confirmed.

After the movie was wrapped and cut, there was a landslide of positive public interest and producers are already discussing sequels.  Sources have said that Stallone himself has confirmed that Rambo V was scrapped and John Rambo retired, perhaps because he wanted to focus on The Expendables sequel.  How true is this?  That’s anyone’s guess.  There have been reports that Rambo V is full steam ahead with in-depth plot lines released.  In an interview with Empire magazine, Stallone said, “I think Rambo’s pretty well done.  I don’t think there will be any more.  I’m about 99 perhaps sure,” he said, adding that he would rather focus on another franchise.  “We’re already working on an (Expendables) sequel.”

Stallone wrote and directed The Expendables, which, he said, “is a 1980s movie with today’s technology…. In those days, the female leading character was a helpless girl, waiting to be rescued by the hero.  Now we have a very strong female character that evolved to this form while I was writing the script.  But except for this, yes, it’s a 1980s movie.”

Translation: asses will be kicked and buildings will be blown up real good.  Hopefully Stallone stays true to his rampage of gritty action stories.  If The Expendables is anything like the last Rambo; we’re going to see carnage from start to finish.

Popularity: 14% [?]

By Julia Kazar

After almost a year of anticipation, Toy Story 3 finally came out on Friday, much to the excitement of kids and adults alike. And with strong numbers for the opening weekend, the movie is number one across the country and has already made over $109 million; it’s sure to be just as big a success as the first two movies were.

Toy Story 3

The third installment opens with Andy, the owner of Woody, Buzz, and all the other toys we have all grown to love, getting ready to go off to college. While packing Andy must decide what things he wants to take with him to college, what things he wants to store in the attic, and what things he wants to throw away. Woody gets placed in the college box, but mistakenly all the other toys get placed in the trash pile. Luckily they manage to get out of the trash before the truck comes, but because they all think that Andy doesn’t love them anymore, they don’t want to go back to him. Instead they sneak into the box of toys that is being donated to a local daycare center, thinking that there they will be played with all the time, and there will always be someone to love them. Needless to say the daycare center isn’t exactly what they all had in mind, and soon, with some help from Woody, who is risking getting left behind when Andy leaves, they see that Andy still cares about them, and decide to break out and get back home.

Along the way they meet a lot of new toys, most of whom become friends with the old toys, but one, Lotso Hugs, isn’t quite so friendly to them. He does everything he can to make sure the toys don’t escape the daycare center.

Overall the movie is a lot like the first two were, filled with funny scenes and obviously not too suspenseful or scary (it is a kid’s movie after all), but Toy Story 3 did have a few moments that were a little intense. Even still, if you liked the first two, you should see the third one too. One movie goer, Kaitlin McClish said; “I don’t think anything could have topped the first Toy Story movie, but it was a pretty good way to wrap everything up. And there were a lot of funny parts in it, which made it even better.” The movie really did a great job of explaining anything that has happened between the second movie and this one, and it also brought back some jokes that were used in the first two, which really made the movie flow nicely, unlike a lot of sequels that don’t incorporate the first movie at all.

So, whether you grew up with the original Toy Story, are growing up with Toy Story 3, or just want to relive your childhood there is something for everyone in Toy Story 3, and it is a great movie for the whole family to see together.

Popularity: 20% [?]

By Denver Collins

Get Him to the Greek

Russell Brand reprises his role as Aldous Snow, the rock star from “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” back on drugs after splitting with his love interest, Jackie Q, an equally dirty pop-star played by Rose Byrne. He’s also in an artistic slump, with his last record “African Child” being called the “worst album ever” and “the worst thing to happen to Africa since apartheid.”

Jonah Hill plays Aaron Green, a low-level talent scout for a major record label. He’s an affable fan of Snow, similar to his role in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” but with a completely different job. Green, as the title suggests, is in charge of getting him to a major show in L.A. and has a difficult time keeping Snow under control and on schedule. In an attempt to keep Snow from using drugs and alcohol, Green winds up bogarting much of Snow’s stash, which leads to moderately funny results.

The movie was written and directed by Nicholas Stoller, the mastermind behind such average, faintly funny films as “Fun With Dick and Jane,” and “Yes Man.” Stoller doesn’t quite have his finger on the pulse of his audience as well as Segel or Apatow, and the script reflects this lack of vision.

It’s much raunchier and darker as well, focusing largely on Snow’s drug usage and subsequent loneliness, as well as Green’s reluctant sexual exploration having recently broken things off with long-time girlfriend Daphne, played by Elisabeth Moss.

There are also missed opportunities in the songs performed by Infant Sorrow, Snow’s band. They lack the cleverness and double-entendres of “Inside of You” from the first movie and go more for the obvious shock-value and straight-to-the-point raunchiness.

There are, however, some redeeming qualities to the movie. Sean “Diddy” Combs plays a surprisingly funny record executive, Sergio, Green’s boss. He’s a hilariously intimidating character who keeps Green in check when he loses control of Snow, and tries to teach him how to screw with the minds of his clients. He also introduces the “Geoffrey,” a joint mixed with angel dust and other various narcotics, which has them all freaking out in a memorable drug-infused chase scene.

Though the plot has ties to “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” the movie itself is weirder and somewhat weaker. Don’t go see it expecting the kind of comedic chemistry in the former movie. In fact, this one can wait to be rented. B-

Popularity: 13% [?]

Oh... What The Hex?

Oh… What The Hex?
By Jara Anton

Another summer comic book movie is coming for you and your $9. If you’re a comic book freak, you already know what’s coming down the pipe…or you may THINK you know. My research has turned up glaring differences between DC’s Jonah Hex and Warner Bros.’ version. Bottom line, if you’re going to the theater to see a Jonah Hex’s interesting life story laid out, you may be disappointed as it seems that Warner Bros. has simply bought the title and concept as a skeleton and left the guts behind for their vision.

The 1970’s DC Comic’s antihero is somewhat dismantled for this big screen adaptation. Jonah Hex is the epic story of a stoic and scarred man’s quest for the ultimate redemption as played out on the canvas of battle with pure evil. What looks like supernatural elements combine in a Western theme for a rowdy and especially bloody ride. The back-story of Jonah Hex is wilding interesting and multi-layered in the comic but how it will play out on screen is unclear based only on previews.

Crank co-writers created the biggest adventure yet for the dark and shadowy figure who is Hex. Hex doesn’t have necessarily super powers or even super strength. He does, however, have a deformed face, a burnt “Mark of the Demon” by the hand of a yet to be determined series of events.

Josh Brolin embodies the disfigured gunslinger and bounty hunter for hire who is the big screen’s interpretation of Jonah Hex. Brolin’s ugly and disfigured face has become a character in its own rights, as his smoky voice and swagger holds up the dangerous and iconic role.

The movie plot will take us through a little of Jonah Hex’s violent and tragic history , which is steeped in myth and legend. Hex survived a vengeful death, because of this, he is cursed with one foot in the waking world and one in “the other side”. The story centers around Hex running from the law with multiple warrants on his head.

The U.S. military soon makes him the one offer he can’t refuse. In exchange for freedom from his warrants, he must find and stop a dangerous terrorist and villain from Hex’s past, the one and only Quentin Turnbull. (Hex has a visceral talent for tracking; he can find anyone and anything.)

The always entertaining and talented John Malkovich has been tapped to play the maniac villain Quentin Turnbull. Turnbull was a blustery Southern plantation owner, very wealthy and powerful. In the comic book, Quentin blamed Jonah for the death of his son for a reason known only to him.

Turnbull, along with his group of marauding former Confederate soldiers, plans to overthrow the government. Turnbull is less supernatural, though he does appear in some of Hex’s aberrations.

It just so happens that Turnbull is amassing an army in his ambition to unleash Hell, yes, the Hell. This army of undead will be comprised of undead bent on liberating the South. Hex is Turnbull’s oldest and most lethal enemy, he is consumed with the thought of destroying Hex.

Though friends in real life, Malkovich said in interviews that he didn’t take it easy on the evil-ness towards buddy Brolin. He was also upfront about it being Brolin’s enthusiasm that attracted Malkovich to the film over other projects.

Career hottie McHotsauce Megan Fox is Leila, a hard living hooker with a corset full of guns and a sordid past. Leila is Hex’s only real link with humanity. My girl crush on Megan Fox has been true blue since the beginning; however I do feel that she is slipping into the “this is all I can do” category before forgotten obscurity. Sadly, every trailer has her hasty delivery of smart ass-y dialogue with a terrible Western accent.

If you like adventure/ thrillers about redemption and good and evil, you’ll dig Jonah Hex. The trailers that I’ve seen look fresh and slick. Westerns can go sideways on you but with this wash of tongue in cheek sexiness and slick sensibilities, I think it will pay off.

Is Jonah Hex a slave to the DC comic? Not necessarily. But does it entertain? All of my secret decoder comic book rings point to yes. It hits all of the major points; cool burn-y face effects, smart ass-y comments, Megan Fox is in charge of the hotness and Malkovich is doing his wild eyed, gray haired villain. Nine dollars well spent.

Popularity: 8% [?]

I love it when a plan comes together…
The A-Team is everything cool

By Jara Anton

A Team

From “21 Jump Street” to “Who’s the Boss”, when you think back on the goldmine of brutally awesome television, the 1980s reigned supreme. Hollywood has dipped its mug into the cauldron of 1980s goodness for a crack at re-inventing The A-Team for 2010 movie audiences.
Before we continue, we know that little to none of these remakes are received positively. Let’s all get over it: NO ONE will ever be as cool as Mr. T as B.A. Baracus. Leave out the gripe that “no one writes new stuff anymore”. That seems to be the biggest hurdle that remakes face; let’s just assume that we already know these things.

Accomplished and multi-tasking director Joe Carnahan, the force behind the wildly creative Smokin’ Aces, takes the helm in the A-Team re-make. There will be a loyalty to the show as original show creator Stephen J. Cannell produced the movie, along with Jules Daly, Ridley Scott and Tony Scott.

Carnahan will be picking up the storyline with the pilot of the television show. The leads are still in line to be convicted of a crime that they never committed. There will be two definite nemesis characters. Carnahan has been recorded as saying that previous scripts were too “slavishly dedicated to the old show”. To be topical, Carnahan redrafted the story on a withdrawal from the Middle East, an emphasis on a more drama and a slight departure from the overly cheese-tactic, sometimes campy vibe.

Oscar winner Liam Neeson anchors the A-Team as Lt. John “Hannibal” Smith. His signature tag line is “I love it when a plan comes together.” Hannibal earns respect as a master planner of inventive, usually split-second plans. In the stills that I’ve seen, Neeson has nailed the squint and cigar chomp of a great Hannibal with a sexier swagger than the original.

Hannibal’s group of soldiers includes Bradley Cooper (The Hangover) as our Lt. Templeton “Faceman” Peck, more simply just “Face”. Face’s talent is slick talking and the art of persuasion; procuring nearly anything for the team’s usage. Cooper’s smartass brand of machismo can go wrong in other projects but I think he is perfect for this slippery playboy character.

Ultimate Fighter Quinton “Rampage” Jackson is Sgt. Bosco “B.A.” Baracus, the team’s driver and, obviously, the muscle. Producers were considering “The Game” for the role of “B.A.”, which would have been a huge mistake. The intimidation and attitude that B.A. calls for is evident by Rampage’s presence. From what I have seen, he has a bit more range; he’s not all Mr. T all the time. Depending on your B.A. preference, this could please or disappoint you. Make no mistake: this is by no means a kinder, gentler B.A. Baracus. Rampage packs a menacing, silent confidence and intensity. Rampage seems to translate to today’s audiences what Mr. T was to audiences back in the day.

The fourth member of our A-Team is Sharlto Copely (District 9), taking on Capt. “Howling Mad” Murdock. Murdock was the borderline insane yet gifted pilot. Carnahan was quoted as saying that Copley’s vast improvisational skills made him a no-brainer for the role of unpredictable Murdock. There is even a confirmed sighting of the original Murdock, Dwight Schultz, in a cameo role in the movie.

Jessica Biel rounds out the cast as Capt. Charisa Sosa with the Defense Criminal Investigative Service. Her character is also a former flame of Face’s, which makes for an interesting juxtaposition, as she is pursuing the guys for a crime they didn’t commit. She wants the A-Team shut down immediately; she doesn’t care for the renegade element.

Keep in mind that Biel is not the only antagonist for our heroes. Patrick Wilson (Watchmen) will dazzle us as Lynch, the mysterious CIA operate that will be a key part in an explosive mission. Carnahan has also hinted that he needed a secondary nemesis for an unclear, yet unfortunate ending. If you’re not an A-Team nerd, Lynch was the original guy in the pilot that was chasing them. He has been made over as a CIA operative, or what I have determined to be the “disposable maybe-brought-back-to-life-later villain”.

The A-Team was a television heavyweight and the movie has potential. With scenes that include Face shooting bad guys from a parachuting military tank, the action is fast and furious. The entire movie is shot in a matte palette of colors influenced by drab olives and grays. The premise is plausible and intriguing: four soldiers wrongfully committed of a crime they didn’t commit. And the plot progression is designed for adrenaline-boosting: the men break free and four soldiers of fortune are forged, forced on the lam and doing good by kicking ass.
The A-Team is everything cool about rogue attitude. The action and sassy bravado coupled with glossy characters will impress audiences. I do think this movie has potential to be fun and entertaining. You probably won’t have any existential awakenings, but come on.  It’s the summer. Live a little.

Popularity: 5% [?]

By Molly Lehman

Hot Tub Time Machine 2010

Hey, remember in the ’80s when there was this movie called Back to the Future?  Wouldn’t it be awesome if someone made a movie now and they time-traveled to the past and it was the same time as Back to the Future was in the present?

Well, here it is.

In Hot Tub Time Machine, a surprisingly serious incident, a suicide attempt, leads to a series of incidents with absolutely nothing serious in them at all.  To cheer up their depressed friend Lou (The Daily Show’s Rob Corddry), Adam (John Cusack) and Nick (Craig Robinson) return with him to the ski-lodge site of their most raucous youthful parties, accompanied this time by Adam’s 20-year-old nephew Jacob (Clarke Duke).

What happens next could have been written by, well, any of us who saw Back to the Future.  A strange device, this time a hot tub, transports the four back in time to a neon-colored caricature of 1986.  It’s not as cool as it seems (“I want free love!” says Lou.  “Dude, it’s the ‘’80s.  We have Reagan and AIDS,” says Adam) and there’s also the complication of Jacob still needing to be conceived.  To get back to normal, the four must remember and recreate the past, including every event of that night.  Life lessons are learned.  And so on and so forth, punctuated with the kind of tired vomit/blowjob/scatological dude humor that’s been kicked around since Animal House.

And yet…it has its charms.  Sure, it’s a time-travel movie with nothing original in it but Hot Tub knows that.  “Do I really gotta be the asshole who says, ‘We got in this thing and went back in time’?” demands Jacob.  And the characters flow well together; the aggressively comedic, self-destructive, party-nasty Lou, the sentimental, doubting Nick, the twerpy-hip Jacob whose emo glasses and texting habit mark him as the child of this age as much as Marty McFly’s high-tops and skateboard marked him his.

Perhaps most intriguing, though, is Adam as John Cusack.  Who doesn’t remember that iconic scene from Say Anything, symbolic of ’80s rom-coms, when Cusack, as Lloyd Dobler, serenades his girlfriend with a stereo in her driveway? And who can’t help but recall that scene when they see Cusack’s character in Hot Tub, middle-aged and tweaked on shrooms, writing syrupy love poems because his high-school girlfriend just dumped him? There’s a delightfully twisted irony hidden in Hot Tub, though it’s easy to skate across its patina of raunch.

Overall, Hot Tub is a lot like ’80s nostalgia itself: silly but fun, brainless but harmless.  After all, sometimes you just gotta get drunk and belt some Journey.

Popularity: 2% [?]

By Molly Lehman

Clash of the Titans 2010

Remade from a campy 1981 fantasy, Clash of the Titans retells the myth of the Greek demigod Perseus and his battle with the denizens of Olympus and Hades.  Played by Avatar’s Sam Worthington, Perseus discovers that he is the son of Zeus, the top dog on Mount Olympus.  Enraged that the gods, in particular Zeus’ brother, Hades, have caused the death of his foster family, Perseus swears to defeat the Kraken, a creature unleashed by Hades to demonstrate his power.  To do that he must navigate a journey across the rock-strewn desert and confront a plethora of dangerous beasts, including Medusa, a serpent-headed demon-woman whose looks turn men to stone.  Medusa is a rare misstep in a film that’s put most of its effort and talents into some great graphics- in a tube top and with an irritating giggle, she’s more Little Mermaid than treacherous monster.  Other beasties, however—the wicked black scorpions that erupt from the dripping blood of one of Hades’ undead and the massive, lamp-jawed Kraken—blow the 1981 version away, with its Harryhausen stop-motion animation, out of the creature-infested water.  (At one point, Worthington pulls a replica of Bubo, a mechanical owl that appeared in the 1981 film, out of a trunk.  “Leave that behind,” smirks one of his friends.)

But, though it flexes impressive CGI muscles, Clash doesn’t bother much with its characters.  For all its weighty gods-and-mortals premise, this is a quintessential jock of a movie: lots of brawn, little brain.  For instance, much of the movie’s ostensible inner turmoil is derived from Perseus’s insistence that he is a man, not a god, and he refuses any assistance from the heavens.  Well, unless it’s really hard without it.  So yeah, he uses the gods’ gift of a sword.  And a golden coin.  And his demigod-gifted fighting ability.  And a flying horse.  And his girlfriend, the demigoddess Io, who comes back to life.
Still, Perseus’ principles aren’t what’s really supposed to be clashing here.  This is a big-picture movie and focusing on the details only gets in its armored, muscled way.  For those fans of 300 who love a good round of crashing swords, screaming monsters and distracting short skirts on men, Clash gets the job done.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Iron Man 2

By Jara Anton

As we rustbelt-ers dig out our cut-off jeans for a few months of sun, Hollywood is packaging and prepping their offering of summer blockbusters.  Amongst the pack is the eagerly anticipated Iron Man 2.  Preview articles can be a challenge, as all you get is one person’s slanted opinion on a few minutes of film.  Not this time, my friend.   I mean, I watched the trailers, but you and I are going to dig a little deeper.

Jon Favreau has returned as the director as well as supporting actor, the lovable “Hogan”.  Interestingly enough, Justin Theroux has been tapped to write the screenplay.  If you’re a David Lynch fan, you know Theroux from Mulholland Drive or perhaps American Psycho.  Roster-wise, Team Iron Man returns in its full glory.  The timeless Robert Downey Jr., is “Tony Stark”, Gwyneth Paltrow returns as the indispensible “Pepper Potts” and Don Cheadle rounds out the cast as “Col.  James Rhodes”.

If you are an Iron Man comic enthusiast you are already familiar with the villains Favreau will be bringing to the table.  The irreverent Mickey Rourke is “Ivan Vanko” turned “Whiplash”.  He comes complete with the glowing center, not unlike Tony Stark.  It doesn’t seem to be much of a stretch, however, to see Sam Rockwell as “Justin Hammer”.  The rackalicious Scarlett Johansson will be turning nerds into men this summer as “Black Widow”.  With her flawless skin and genetically engineered body, she definitely has the raw material to carry off this comic book fox.

The action seems non-stop.  Whiplash attacks completely vulnerable Tony Stark in Monoco during the Grand Prix (the race car sequence looks incredible).  It also seems that Tony Stark is a shade more serious; darker and he seems more vulnerable.  He is questioning his choice to share his identity as Iron Man, perhaps regretting that he “came out” at all.  Not surprisingly, he is also drawn dangerously close to Black Widow, introducing another struggle.  At the same time, the Whiplash/Justin Hammer collusion is aiming to discourage Tony Stark from overcoming his demons.  There is a scene where Tony Stark is battling an army of evil Iron Man clones.  Needless to say, he has his hands full.

Also, an inside heads up- There is an internet rumor that Iron Man 2 includes what is possibly a sneak peek of Thor, although this is pure nerd force speculation.  In the trailer it is a little suspect; the scene is set in a prison where Tony Stark is questioning Whiplash.  As Stark leaves the frame, the camera pans in on a blurry blob of a well muscled, long haired prisoner believed to be Chris Hemsworth as the upcoming “Thor”.  Did we just see something top secret? You will have to check it out for yourself.

If you are getting the chills that you got with Spiderman 3, you’re not alone.  It seems that the sophomore slump becomes the demise of the comic book remake but there is great potential for this to be great.  There are A LOT of villains in this one.  There are numerous and complicated sub-plots, an identity crisis, love story and the tried and true “I’m a super hero struggling with my demons” angle.

Twists and turns and sub-plots aside, Iron Man 2 looks nothing short of total bad-assery.  First, you can’t have “Shoot to Thrill” (AC/DC) over a trailer and have it not rule.  Second, the dialogue is slick but not intolerable.  The first Iron Man was overshadowed by The Dark Knight.  Based on previous performance, Iron Man 2 deserves a chance to blow your mind.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Actresses Kristen Stewart (R) and Dakota Fanning

By Chris Hattery

Mar 5 - Alice in Wonderland
Don’t be late for this important date!  Of the hundreds of movies that are released each year, Tim Burton is one of the few directors that you actually know the name of and can name about five of his movies off the top of your head.  Another name that is associated with his movies is Johnny Depp and Burton’s squeeze, Helena Bonham Carter.  In his movies the scenery itself is one of the most talked about ‘characters’ of the films.  Alice in Wonderland is no different.  Burton recreates the already peculiar world of Wonderland and adds a touch of his own dementianated mind.  Yeah, I just made up a word.  Burton isn’t the only one with creativity.  –Although this isn’t a remake, I know a few people still whining that the original ‘Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory’ was better than Tim Burton’s version.  I have a feeling that I’ll have to hear the same complaints or see some ‘will this pickle…’ Facebook groups referencing this version.  At least we can watch it in 3D!

Mar 5 - Brooklyn’s Finest
I like me a good cop movie.  I don’t like knowing that there’s corruption in the ranks of law enforcement.  Brooklyn’s Finest explores the lives of a few cops on New York’s streets.  Eddie (Richard Gere) is a burned out veteran one week from retirement.  He’s definitely not putting his life on the line if he doesn’t have to; instead spending his time sipping coffee and ignoring the crimes going on around him.  Narcotics officer Sal Procida (Ethan Hawke) spends his life crossing the line to share a better life for his sick wife and seven kids.  Also on the roster is Clarence Tango Butler (Don Cheadle) who has been undercover so long, he may be forgetting he’s actually a cop.  The characters are set.  All I need is a little Wesley Snipes and I’ll be in the theater watching… My wish is granted.

Mar 12 - Green Zone
Thankfully, this movie is not about polar ice caps, global warming or the ozone.  Not that I don’t care about that stuff — I just don’t want to think about drowning while I’m doing important things like watching a movie.  Instead it’s about the other ‘overused’ phrase of the decade… Weapons of Mass Destruction.  Say what you want about Matt Damon’s acting but he seems to do a good job in this flick as a government operative sneaking around foreign countries.  From the same director who brought us the ‘Bourne’ series, we now have another movie that reminds us to that if you work for the government and unearth a cover up, the government will kill you!

Mar 12 - Remember Me
Two people I don’t really care to see much more of is Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart of the Twilight series… and as it turns out they are both in feature films this month.  A troubled teen (Pattinson) without much of a future goes out of his way to help break up a fight, somehow getting himself a beat-down from a cop and a trip to the slammer in the process.  It gets better.  He starts dating the cop’s daughter; Claire from LOST.  She makes this movie somewhat watchable.  Well, that and Pierce Brosnan.

Mar 12 - She’s Out of My League
Remember the movie Fan Boys?  How about Sex Drive?  Those should be two movies you watch before you go see this movie… Jay Baruchel (Windows from Fan Boys), with the help from the creators of Sex Drive, shows us how a guy who is a 5 can land a chick who’s a solid 10.  Fate, and Steve Jobs, bring this waste of a guy and total fox (Alice Eve) together by way of a lost iPhone. I watched the trailer 3 times because of Weezer’s ‘If You Want Me To’ song and it has some funny one liners that I hope isn’t all it offers.

Mar 12 - Our Family Wedding
A feud between Forest Whitaker and Carlos Mencia, the man who’s towing Whitaker’s car, becomes complicated when they later find that their children are getting married.  This has a plot weaker than an old Sanford & Son episode.  For the sake of comedy, the two families, with completely different cultural backgrounds, come together to plan a wedding that everyone can be happy with.  It’s not about the bride and groom in this movie. The fathers exchange cultural and racial stereotypical jokes throughout the flick that are almost offensive yet well played in this atmosphere.

Mar 19 - The Bounty Hunter
Over the hill actress Jennifer Aniston, and everybody’s favorite Scott, Gerard Butler team up for a love based comedy.  Aniston, a reporter, carelessly skips out on her court date because she doesn’t feel she should have even been arrested.  Butler is a bounty hunter who has to track her down and take her to jail.  The twist is that they used to be married.  We have all the right makings for a lame romantic comedy!  During the trip to the lockup, some bad boys from Jersey chase the duo down to try to kill Aniston because of a story she’s working on involving a murder cover up.  What starts off as a comedy quickly turns action movie involving shoot outs and car chases.  I’m not sure if I like Gerard Butler in a comedy.  Unless he yells ‘This is Sparta!’ while driving past a barrage of bullets.

Mar 19 - Diary of a Wimpy Kid
I may be the only person that finds this interesting, but Steve Zahn is in this movie, and was also in the Management (Jennifer Aniston).  Anyway, if you write a great book and it’s a top seller then you should make a movie about it regardless.  This movie doesn’t really look all that great for us adults.  It’s more for wimpy kids heading to middle school, which is exactly what it’s about.  It probably would have worked better as a series on Nickelodeon or Disney.  Middle school can be pretty bad, especially when your mom goes out of her way to embarrass you and then makes you keep a diary about your daily trials.

Mar 19 - The Runaways
I’m a little sad that Dakota Fanning is growing up.  I liked her a lot more when she was an innocent 9 year old and now she’s in a movie portraying Cherie Currie.  Kristen Stewart on the other hand plays Joan Jett and Stella Maeve plays Sandy West as we go back to 1975 and see the all-female rock band The Runaways tear this world apart.  It may turn out to be a great movie and you get to watch some rock’n’roll babes break chairs.

Mar 19 - The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Not everything from Sweden is blonde and hot.  This movie isn’t either.  It’s based on a Swedish crime novel of the same name who’s author suddenly died in 2004 and left behind several unfinished novels including Dragon Tattoo. The movie is about a girl gone missing 40 years ago on an island whose body was never found.  Her uncle suspects it was a murder; possibly by a member of a dysfunctional family living on the island.  He hires a journalist and a computer hacker to investigate.  Looks like a good flick and, with the novel selling over 8 million copies worldwide, it should be able bring in a little moolah.

Mar 19 - Repo Men
We’re all familiar with the repo man.  Imagine a future where more people survive by getting artificial organs implanted.  What will happen when you fall behind on your payments for that?  Well, they’ll come and repossess your organs.  Creepy, I know.  Their only job is to get the organ back.  No anesthetic, no sleeping gas, just a set of knives.  I like the idea of replaceable organs but I would definitely fall behind on my payments.  Not worth it.

Mar 26 - How to Train Your Dragon
It’s time for another high quality animated film from DreamWorks with the help from Jay Baruchel and America Ferrera on the character voices.  Jonah Hill even joins the fun. Want your own dragon?  This movie will show you and the kids how to train it.  And guess what?  Dragon is in 3D, too!  Coming from the makers of Shrek and Madagascar, it looks like a great comedy!  Watch for the Avatar-like flying scene.

Mar 26 - Greenberg
Finding himself at a mid-life crossroads, Greenburg, played by Ben Stiller, wants to change his life and do something meaningful; like building a dog house for his brother’s family.  Along his journey of finding purpose and rekindling old relationships (we could have ended this plot in 2 minutes with Facebook), he meets an attractive young woman who happens to be his brother’s personal assistant.  But she, not wanting to jump back into a physical relationship, keeps him on a short leash while making him suffer through the beginning “no sex” stage of their relationship.  Why watch the trailer?  Let’s just say she’s not wearing all of her undergarments and its cold in the room.

Mar 26 - I Love You Phillip Morris
Ok, so you either love Jim Carrey or you hate him.  I’ve been a fan of his since Fire Marshall Bill on ‘In Living Color’.  Carrey plays a God-fearing, wife-loving, society-contributing Christian with a big secret.  He’s gay. He leaves his family to explore his sexuality and finds he can’t sustain living the high life through conventional forms of employment.  He comes to the conclusion that he can make more money from exploiting people and scamming them than working a real job.  This lands him in a Texas jail where he falls in love with his cellmate.  As long as you can handle Mr. Carrey sharing an onscreen kiss with Ewan McGregor, then make sure you see this movie.  Based on a true story.

Mar 26 - Hot Tub Time Machine
See previous page that highlights the drinking and debauchery which takes place! Check out our whole Hot Tub Time Machine review.

Popularity: 22% [?]

Percy Jackson and The Olympians

By Anthony Morrow

Based on the book by Rick Riordan, Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief is the story of a young boy living a normal life who discovers that he is in fact the son of the Greek God Poseidon. He learns this bizarre truth when he is attacked by a (thought to be) substitute teacher because it is rumored he stole Zeus’ lightning bolt.

In the blink of an eye, it turns out that his best friend, Grover, is really his assigned protector, a satyr no less, and his teacher is Chiron (Pierce Brosnan), the centaur leader of a demigod safe haven/ training camp. Unfortunately, Percy does not have a lot of time to get used to his new situation because if Zeus doesn’t get his lightning bolt back by the summer solstice there’s going to be war.

With barely any time to meet Annabeth, daughter of Athena, Percy learns that his mother has been abducted by Hades. Having no clue what to do, or how to do it, Percy, Grover and Annabeth join up to save Percy’s mother from the underworld. They find that their journey is all a trick to bring war upon the Gods.

This is a movie that will appeal to the kid in all of its viewers. It has a good mix of comedy, action, myth and adventure that will keep you wishing the story will never stop unfolding. At times the acting will come into question and it will seem a bit cheesy. If you have two hours to unwind and enjoy an adventure movie with laughs and a touch of the real world, this will keep you entertained.

Popularity: 5% [?]