Tetris
Everyone alive today has played Tetris. Fucking everyone. Now, to be factually correct, Tetris was released well before 1989. June 6, 1984, to be exact. But you didn’t play it until it was released as a pack-in game with the Nintendo Game Boy. Or maybe after that on the NES. Or maybe even your cell phone, or iPod, or graphing calculator, or … .

SimCity
This was the very first game designed by Will Wright, and was the spark that eventually set off the Sims craze. I love this game — in fact, I still play it for my Super Nintendo. You can build your very own city (AwesomeTown) from the ground up. I know that doesn’t sound all that great, but it really is one of those games where you sit down and the next thing you know, four hours have flown by.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Holy shit, this game is tough. Brutally tough. Not as tough as Battle Toads, though. What was with Battle Toads? Was that just a huge rip off of TMNT? I mean, was someone sitting around thinking, “Oh man, TMNT is getting huge. We need a group of violent anamorphic amphibious reptiles of our own to keep up. Somebody get on that!” Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah, video games. Fun.

River City Ransom
This is easily my favorite game of 1989. Alex and Ryan need to save their girlfriends and need to kick wholesale ass to do it. An awesome beat-’em-up that had a few role-playing pieces thrown in for good measure. River City High is a dangerous fucking place.

The third and final reason you should own a PS3 is the riveting “Uncharted” series. In “Uncharted” you are Nathan Drake, who’s a lot like Indiana Jones, and you traipse around the world to exotic locales looking for lost archaeological artifacts, like Indiana Jones, while in a race against time with evil forces who are also looking for said artifacts. Seeing a pattern here? You should be pumped about it. I mean, who doesn’t like Indiana Jones? There’s absolutely no logical reason not to. In fact, I was almost fired once from a security job because someone broke in while I was enthralled by “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.” One hundred percent true story, and “Uncharted 3” kept me just as glued to my seat the entire way through.

“Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception” is a Playstation exclusive developed by Naughty Dog, and a direct sequel to 2009’s blockbuster “Uncharted 2: Among Thieves.” It follows the aforementioned Nathan Drake on a quest to find Iram of the Pillars, a lost city also called the Atlantis of the Sand. With help from some friends and a notebook that belonged to T.E. Lawrence (ask your parents), Drake travels to England, France, Syria, Yemen and the Rub’ al Khali Desert to unravel the mysteries of the fabled city.

Along the way you’ll have lots of gunfights, lots of fistfights, fun platforming, smart puzzle-solving sequences and the best set-pieces in the business. I’m talking about a story, voice acting and intense set pieces that would rival anything in Hollywood today. If there’s any better reason to play a video game, I haven’t heard it.

“Uncharted” is a third-person action adventure game. You know what that means: You can carry two guns and some grenades, and you’d better grab some cover. I have only two very minor complaints about this game, one being the spotty gunplay. At some points I had lined a shot up dead between some poor sucker’s eyes, pulled that trigger and watched my shot bounce off some invisible geometry. Very upsetting for a game of this caliber. But once again, that was more of a semi-rare occurrence than an every-time thing.

The platforming is excellent, as it has been the entire series. Lots of climbing, swinging, hanging and figuring out how to get from point A to point B break up the action sequences nicely. However, my other minor gripe was that some of the platforming sequences stretched out longer than they should have. Don’t get me wrong, I love good platforming, but goddamn, let me shoot something already. But again, rare occurrence, and I’m really nitpicking to find something non-awesome about this game.

Where this game, as well as the other “Uncharted” games, truly excels is the storytelling and the set pieces. “Uncharted” is so far ahead of every other game in this department, it’s a joke. I shit you not, you could take out the gameplay and release it in theaters and it would probably be the best damn movie you’ve seen all year — granted, it’s been a pretty slow year, but still. The voice acting is so well-done that it draws you even deeper into this already layered story. As far as the set pieces go, forget about it. Every other game should just stop trying. I knew this game had grabbed me when, after breaking into an airport and being told I had to stow away on a cargo plane, I got pumped. I knew shit was about to get real. And it did. Holy shit, it did. The entire plane sequence is one of my favorite video moments of all time. And it’s just one of about a dozen packed into “Drake’s Deception.”

My advice to you is buy a PS3, buy “Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception,” re-watch the first three Indiana Jones movies, grow a beard and play like crazy. Have I ever steered you wrong before? Well, maybe with that “Dead Island” review, but not here, goddammit. This game easily made its case for a Game of the Year nod. You’re gonna love it.

Secret of Mana:
This action RPG from SquareSoft came out in 1993 for the almighty Super Nintendo Entertainment System. One of my favorite games of that generation, it had a surprising twist in the form of the Frost Gigas boss. Turns out Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick was turned into a monster by some very scientific shit. Long story short, you kick his ass, thereby saving him. You know the routine.

ToeJam and Earl:
So, TJ&E is an action game for Sega that came out in ‘91 about rapping aliens who are trying to get back home. Yep. Well, during your adventures you stumble on a fat bearded old man. No, not your Uncle Louie — I’m talking about Santa Claus. So just sneak up on the ol’ bastard and get yourself some free shit. That’s pretty much his sole purpose anyhow, right?

The Dark Knight, as we now think of him, was largely shaped by Frank Miller in 1986’s “The Dark Knight Returns,” a four-issue limited series. Miller rescued Batman from the campy ’60s and ’70s versions of “Bam!” “Biff!” fighting and ridiculous villains, returning him to the dark, gritty and often incredibly violent DK. And with that brought a large-scale Batman resurgence, from Tim Burton’s “Batman” in ’89 to 2008’s “Dark Knight.” Batman was back in a big way, so DC and Rocksteady Studios decided to finally develop a Batman series worth playing.

“Batman: Arkham City” is the sequel to Rocksteady’s 2009 “Arkham Asylum,” which I sincerely hope all of you have played, and takes place about a year after the original’s closing events.

Quincy Sharp, the ex-warden of Arkham Asylum, took credit for stopping the Joker’s asylum takeover in the first game and leveraged that into becoming the mayor of Gotham City. Now, we all know it was actually a big dose of ass-kickery dished out by Batman’s fists and/or feet that stopped the Joker, whatever. Bruce Wayne is too busy banging supermodels on a huge pile of money to be bothered with some nerd stealing the Bat’s spotlight.

Mayor Sharp decides that Arkham and Blackgate Prison are no longer fit to hold the truly staggering number of sociopaths residing in Gotham and builds a wall around the city slums. After shipping all the prisoners in, hiring a private military company and placing Dr. Hugo Strange in charge of the whole thing, voilà — a big-ass new prison for Gotham City.

Well, the Dark Knight thinks this isn’t the best idea and things are going to get out of hand, and guess what? Turns out the whole thing wasn’t the best idea and things start to get out of hand. So ol’ Brucie gets himself thrown into the clink to dispense a little justice.

“Arkham City” improved on the already solid core of “Arkham Asylum.” The city is about five times larger than Asylum, and is much more open and easier to traverse. With improved grappling and gliding, it’s very easy to get from one side of the city to the opposite without touching the ground. The fighting system is far more fluid as well. The way attacks, counters and quick use gadgets all flow together, it’s very easy to feel like the world’s biggest badass. You know, like Batman. Going untouched during a 50x combo while destroying 15 goons before quickly grappling away to a nearby rooftop is VERY satisfying.

The campaign is not very long, about seven hours by my estimation, but the side quests and diversions keep you coming back. With 400 Riddler trophies to find and side quests with Deadshot, Zsasz and Bane, the extras add hours of gameplay. The rest of the rogues’ gallery is very well represented in the campaign as well; The Joker, Penguin, Mr. Freeze, Clayface and Ra’s al Ghul all play major parts in your quest. In addition to the campaign, Riddler challenges make their return: Combat challenges in which a bunch of goons are basically unloaded on you while you dump-truck them as the game keeps score. Hit a certain score, earn a trophy. Pretty basic stuff.

The predator challenges are actually pretty slick: They put you in a big room with about six armed men and give you three challenges to complete, such as knocking out a foe with an explosion, performing a takedown through a window and getting a silent takedown after dropping smoke.

Batman is the greatest American hero, and this game makes you feel like you’re Batman. That’s really all you need to know.

I realize how terribly nerdy that is. This is coming from a guy who tries to get his girlfriend in the mood by telling her how fast he can complete a Rubik’s Cube. I will tell you this, however: If you’re ever feeling down or uncool, go surround yourself with kids from a midnight release line. You’ll feel like the second coming of Sean Connery.

But I digress. The long national nightmare was finally over: I had my copy of Gears in my Xbox by 12:20.

As the final game in the beloved Gears trilogy, “Gears of War 3” has a lot to live up to. Developed by Epic Games and published by Microsoft Studios, Gears is a third-person shooter that relies heavily on good use of cover and teammates. If you’ve played the first two games in this series — which I sincerely hope you have — you’re generally familiar with the story. It’s a fight to the finish for the survival of humanity with the invading Locust, who have firmly planted themselves above the surface and attempted to murder you, like, a million times. Really shitty neighbors. Now it’s time to murder them back, with some brand-new weapons and friends.

The main campaign completes this story arc and can be played co-op with up to four people, which is two more than “Gears 2.” No real changes in gameplay or mechanics; Epic just brings you more of what you loved about the first two games in the series. The excellently written story wraps up the trilogy very well, sucking you in along the way. Some parts in this game will really put you into your character’s boots, making you feel like you truly are part of the struggle.

As always, there are many competitive multiplayer modes to choose from. Team Deathmatch gives each five-player team a common pool of 20 lives to share, instead of just one apiece. Very fun, unless you get some clown on your team dying 18 times all by themselves. Back again are Warzone and Execution modes, each a five-on-five team battle giving one life per person. The only difference is that enemies must be executed in Execution. Then there’s my favorite, King of the Hill, where teams of five vie for supremacy by capturing and controlling rings in a set time.

In addition to competitive multiplayer, Epic does a hell of a job with cooperative multiplayer, bringing back the enormously popular Horde mode. Not content to rest on their laurels, they ratcheted up the difficulty and made a few improvements, introducing a currency system wherein you get paid depending on the amounts of kills/assists you have. Every tenth wave is now a boss wave, where ridiculously overpowered enemies come breaking down your door like Nino Brown. Epic simply made an already strong Horde mode stronger.

A completely new edition to Gears multiplayer is Beast mode, where you play as the Locust trying to kill the humans à la “Left 4 Dead.” With 15 Locust to choose from, you have a time limit to do away with 12 waves of those pesky humans.

I love “Gears of War.” I’m a total Gears nerd. I admit it. ”Gears of War 2” is why I bought an Xbox. So, yeah, I’m gonna tell you to play this game. But don’t let the fact that I’m not the most impartial judge stop you from playing this. I have yet to hear a negative word about this game from anyone, and that has to mean something. The upcoming Christmas season is absolutely packed with big-name, can’t-miss game releases, but “Gears of War 3” is a must-play. Trust me.

It all starts with some very creepy music. A dead and bloody little girl lying on the ground suddenly rises upward like a rag doll and ascends a building. Shards of glass assemble around her as she gets sucked inside a window. The girl floats onto the back of a man in his hotel room, where she chews on his neck like your dog chewing your shoes. This trailer, a scene in reverse of an infected daughter turning on her family and subsequently being killed by her father, is a real attention-grabber. In fact, it’s becoming a bit of a cult classic in its own right. Cinematically speaking, it’s one of the most impressive trailers I have seen in awhile.

“Dead Island” is an RPG-style, open world, first-person horror action-adventure developed by Techland and published by Deep Silver. This enormous game features hundreds of quests and millions of zombies. Set up much like “Fallout 3” or “Borderlands,” missions progress the main storyline, with an abundance of side quests. The campaign is jam-packed with customizable weapons, useful items, hidden areas and a plethora of the undead. The amount of game on this disc is actually impressive.

After choosing one of the four playable characters, the storyline has you waking up at the Palms Resort Hotel on the fictional island of Banoi. You soon discover the island is infested with zombies and you are the only one immune to them. Interesting. This isn’t exactly as fortuitous as it seems, however, because for the remainder of the game, almost all friendly characters cower indoors while you run around with their errand lists. While most of the tasks you set out to do are perfectly acceptable, some of the side quests are dumb as shit (go get your own fucking teddy bear). From the beach to the city to the jungle, the many locations keeps things fresh while you search for a way off the island.

“Dead Island’s” hack-and-slash gameplay mostly focuses on close combat. Until late in the game firearms are absent, but don’t be surprised if you see an armed companion pop up and help you slay zombies. Dig this: Other players are able to join your game at anytime, as long as they are around the same place in their story progression. Your newfound friend may have already beaten the game, only to go at it again as a high-leveled ass-kicker with an arsenal of heavy weapons that your noob ass hasn’t found yet. As you advance through the campaign, an experience system, skill tree and deep inventory will help you to build your character. I did notice, however, that the game keeps the zombies right around the same skill level as you no matter where you are, making leveling up feel a little fruitless.

While the story isn’t groundbreaking material and some of the character animations are pretty robotic, it’s hard to come up with any big complaints about the game. If I had to, it would be this: “Dead Island” completely lacks any real scares. Anyone who played “Resident Evil” when it came out in 1996 probably remembers the moment zombie dogs came crashing through the windows in the mansion’s hallway. That’s wet-the-bed scary. “Dead Island” doesn’t have that moment anywhere. With that being said, people fucking love killing zombies, and this game is utterly addictive and fun as hell. The bar for zombie games has been raised again, or maybe kicked straight through the roof. Get a copy while you can — they’re becoming very hard to find, and used discs have been seen on eBay for more than $75.

This hasn’t always been the case. After all, Modern Warfare 2 wasn’t exactly on the shelf next to Space Invaders. It’s been a long journey with many memorable stepping-stones along the way. One of those stones goes by the name of Duke.

Most fans still remember “Duke Nukem 3D” as the shining beacon of gaming light that it was when it was first released in 1996. It was pure awesome. Though the level of interaction and playability was incredible, it wasn’t the main draw: Drugs, strippers, and pig-cops all helped to make this immature and crude game a cult classic. Of course, in 1996 most gamers were teenage boys.

Fast forward to 2011. Girls frag, moms and dads swing Wii-motes and those same teenage boys are now 30-year-olds. Things have definitely changed.

Well, maybe not all things. I was perplexed when I started playing “Duke Nukem Forever” and immediately noticed no difference in character design in Duke. He still looked like he had just killed Apollo Creed. In fact, as the game progressed, it seemed that little had changed at all. From the strippers to the steroids to the bad guys, it’s not just that they were still there, but that they barely even looked any better. It felt like I had just dusted off my N64 and popped in a cartridge.

The campaign started off marginally, basically highlighted by the ability to throw a turd (yes, you read that correctly), but then it was just a descent into the mundane. Level after level felt hollow and stagnant. The enemies were blurry carbon copies of each other, lifeless and moronic. Some of the aliens would just stand or float in front of my gun waiting to be killed. The piss-poor AI carried over to some of the bosses, too: One just stood behind a truck shooting instead of moving an inch to the left. It boggles the mind how these aliens are not able to grasp the simple concept of “shoot the man, not the inanimate object” while still mastering interplanetary travel. I mean, I actually felt bad for killing them.

A few key moments may catch your attention, like controlling an RC car to fetch an object, or shrinking and riding tiny vehicles for a change of pace. Neither is very fun, however. “Forever” also has an online multiplayer that’s fun for exactly five minutes. For the most part, the game is repetitive and boring, but some levels are just plain horrible. My least favorite one had Duke swimming underwater and catching air from bubbles, like he’s goddamn Sonic the Hedgehog. In fact, many parts felt like they were indebted to other well-known games, but I was never quite sure if it was homage or rip-off.

“Forever” also suffers from many, many glitches, the most egregious being the 40-second load screens I was tormented with after every single death and level change. Overall, the whole thing just felt messy and mashed together. I’m not completely surprised because, prior to its release, this game sat in development purgatory for half of my life. Although some will use this as an excuse for Duke’s shortcomings, the end result is still less than impressive.

At the end of the day I’m glad that Gearbox decided to pick up “Forever” and put it out of its misery. Hopefully there’s a silver lining in the mushroom cloud of this catastrophe — that silver lining being another, better game in the works. Let’s cross our fingers.

“Duke Nukem Forever” is a game some will enjoy (or at least pretend they do after dropping $60 on it) but most will find disappointing. After spending the duration of the campaign trying to find the good in it, I realized you just can’t shine shit. Even if you’ve been polishing it for 14 years.